Anyone that has made it through the terrible twos, and the testing tween years will tell you that raising teens is a fucking wild ride. But raising neurodiverse teens as a single mum? That’s a whole different shitshow. You’re managing meltdowns, school meetings, forgotten meds, and the crushing weight of doing it all alone. But, you are a woman, so you best stay completely sane through it so noone thinks your failing right? Please.

The problem with this stupid society where so many of us are raising neurodiverse children single handedly, with no village in sight, it that you will sooner or later hit burnout!

Burnout isn’t just exhaustion- it’s when your spark dims so much, you forget you ever had one in the first place. So, this post is for the mums who’ve cried in the car, hid in the bathroom, or whispered (screamed), “I can’t do this anymore!”

If this is you, then I want to tell you that you’re not broken, and you definitely are not alone. Your feelings of overwhelm and burnout as a single mum are completely valid because you are likely doing far too much, with way too little support!

What Burnout Looks Like (And Why You Might Not Recognise It)

Burnout can be sneaky. So sneaky that you don’t even see it coming until it is too late. It simmers away in the background and then erupts like a volcano and destroys everything around you. At first you might chalk it up to a bad week or hormones, and occassionally that may be true, but here are some signs to keep an eye on when it comes to burnout for single mums with neurodiverse kids:

• Snapping at your kids over nothing
• Feeling numb instead of emotional
• Constant guilt over “not doing enough”
• Physical symptoms like headaches or gut issues
• Fantasising about running away (don’t worry, we’ve all been there)

Also, I just want to reitterate that recognising that you’re burning out isn’t admitting weakness. It’s awareness, and strength. And it’s the first step to reclaiming your energy- and your sanity.

Hacks for Staying Sane Without a Full-Time Nanny or Private Chef

You don’t need a spa weekend,though, yeah, that’d be nice, for the majority of us, that just isn’t an available option. But what you do need are some real-world, messy-mum-tested hacks to keep you from or pull yourself out of burnout mode:

Lower the damn bar: You don’t have to cook a michelin worthy meal each night, beans on toast is nutritious enough occassionally. Your house doesn’t need to sparkle all the time. Surviving these year is a success in itself.
Use scripts: Not just for your kids, but for you too. Have go-to responses for school dramas, demanding friends, or intrusive relatives.
Find your people: One thing I have found difficult as a single mum of neurodiverse kids, is finding and maintaining my own friendships. People do not always understand your situation, and some don’t want to. So you need to find your tribe. I have found online neurodivergent mum groups, TikTok creators who get it, friends who don’t judge- they are the ones who matter and get me through.
Schedule the pause: Even if it’s 5 mins in your car with a coffee and a scream playlist, or a 10 minute morning meditation. Make sure you are getting some downtime, just for you. That’s your reset.

Self-Care Without the Cliché

Self-care isn’t really about bubble baths- although that is nice. Sometimes, it’s saying no to the school bake sale, or joining the PTA. Sometimes, it’s skipping that phone call from a draining friend. Or making a GP appointment for you, not just the kids- I have learned the hard way that neglecting my health leads to not only burnout, but even more health problems.

Ask yourself daily:
“What do I need today?”
And give yourself permission to meet that need. Even if it’s just a nap or sitting in silence.

You’re Not Just a Mum—You’re a Whole Human- With Needs

You were someone before this chaos, and you absolutely still are. Don’t forget you are a woman who has dreams, even if they have been pushed to the back of your mind. A woman who loves to laugh, dance, paint, express herself, and feel sexy and alive- even in primark leggings!

Make sure you find time to reconnect with yourself, start a hobby in the evening that you have been putting off, make getting fit and healthy your priority, or look into going back to school or college- start dreaming and getting back your own personality- That I think is the most powerful act of rebellion against burnout.

Being a single mum to neurodiverse teens is no walk in the park. But you’re not here to just get through it and cope– you’re here to thrive, even if it looks a little messy and unhinged- there are ways around it.

You’re allowed to rest if you need it. You’re allowed to need help and ask for it. And you are absolutely allowed to put yourself first sometimes and follow your own dreams.

You’re not failing. You’re fighting. And that, my love, is badass.