Setting boundaries can feel really hard at times, especially if you are a people pleaser. But setting boundaries in relationships as a single mum is one of the most empowering things you can do on your dating journey! It doesn’t matter if you’re in the early days of dating or already working on building a deeper connection with your person, boundaries are the magic key to protecting your time, energy, and emotional well-being- I have learned the hard way!

Believe me when I say that the last thing you need as a single mum is some disrespectful loser disrupting your peace because they can’t (or don’t want to) respect your boundaries.

This post is your ultimate guide to owning your worth, setting healthy limits, and thriving in relationships while staying true to yourself- so you don’t go through as much crap as I have whilst dating!

Why Boundaries Are Essential When dating As A Single Mum

Setting and owning your own boundaries are so important when you are making your way around the dating world as a single mum- especially the modern dating world! 

Dating as a single mum is not easy, you don’t have an unlimited amount of free time, you don’t have an unlimited amount of energy, and you don’t have time to get your heart broken all over again- because you didn’t set clear boundaries!

I know, when you are a people pleaser, or you are still in a place where you are unsure of your self-worth, setting healthy boundaries can feel yucky! It can feel as though you are putting a barrier up and stopping someone from loving you or wanting to be with you- but it is actually the complete opposite, they are actually a way to form healthier, more fulfilling relationships- with the right person!

Boundaries protect your emotional energy, prevent overwhelm, and enforce a mutual understanding so you both know what will and will not be tolerated.

And if you find you come across someone who has a temper tantrums because you are putting those boundaries in place- they are not for you!

Identifying Your Non-Negotiables

It is so important as a single mum to figure out what your boundaries are, and leave at the first sign that someone has no respect or regard for them. 

The times when I have let my boundaries slide have ended up with me being the most heartbroken I have ever been! So take it from me, put those boundaries in place and stick to them- they are non-negotiable!

So before dipping your toe back into those mucky dating waters, reflect on your past relationships, and think of the different types of boundaries that have maybe been crossed by your partners. Then write a list of your non-negotiables…

​Some examples of good boundaries:

• Respect for your time boundaries and personal space
• open communication
• Communication Boundaries eg- no disappearing for days on end!
• Emotional availability
• Quality time together
• sexual boundaries (whether that was time before being intimate, or what you will do in the bedroom)
• Physical boundaries 

Now that you have your list, you will also have an idea of the red flags you need to look for that tells you that a potential romantic partner may not respect your boundaries.

For example, I was absolutely in love with this guy, and all my boundaries went out the window… I allowed him in my home and slept with him when he hadn’t even taken me on a date.

I allowed him to come round again and again even when he had let me down, not shown up when he said he was going to, and ghosted me for days/weeks/ months when I stated how he had disrespected me. 

Yet, I still reached out over and over again hoping that he would eventually be who I wanted him to be and guess what?

He continued the ghosting and disrespectful behaviour and broke my heart over and over again. It took me months to get over that idiot because I wasn’t just getting over him and how he had disrespected me- I was getting over how I had abandoned and disrespected myself!

So get those boundaries in place early and stick to them- no matter how you feel about the person- you are worthy of respect and time!

Communicate Your Boundaries Clearly

Sometimes the issue is that we don’t communicate our boundaries upfront and it leads to a breakdown in communication and shit hits the fan. So make sure that you are communicating those boundaries early on and clearly.

So for example, say:

“I need to focus my energy on the kids during the week, so I would like to keep messages and calls in the mornings and evenings when they are in bed.”

“I expect consistent communication, if you disappear for days on end, I will not continue the relationship.”

​”I do not have men in my home until after 6 months of consistent dating.”

“I expect open communication and conflict resolution. I do not entertain the silent treatment.”

“I do not have sex with a new partner until after the 3rd date.”

These are just examples, but the point is, whatever your boundaries are, make them clear and non-negotiable!

Set Boundaries With Yourself

By the way, boundary setting is not just for other people! It is really important that we set proper boundaries with ourselves. It can be easy to fall into the trap of overcommitting to another person whilst neglecting our own needs and self-care- and as Single mums we really don’t have the time for that.

The other problem with over committing and giving too much energy to a new relationship is that, if that relationship ends or doesn’t really set off in the first place, it is likely to contribute to low self-esteem, and you are going to feel a lot worse than if you had put in place some ground rules and clear boundaries with yourself.

Have an honest conversation with yourself, and decide where you are going to place these boundaries. Set limits on how much time and energy you are going to put into the relationship at the beginning, avoid overcommitting, and give yourself permission to say no to anything that doesn’t align with you. 

Enjoy The Rewards Of Setting Healthy Boundaries

Ok, so setting boundaries can feel icky and hard in the beginning, but trust me you will soon reap the rewards!

Setting healthy boundaries are far more likely to lead to more respectful, balanced, and healthy romantic relationships, whilst also weeding out the toxic relationships! Knowing that you are sticking to your boundaries will help you to feel much more confident and in control of your dating life, rather than being ruled by other people. 

The other upside is of course that you are also modeling self-respect and emotional balance for your children by taking control and staying true to yourself!

Conclusion On Setting Boundaries As A Single Mum

Boundaries aren’t just a set of rules and deal breakers! They are an act of self-love and they allow you to thrive as a single mum, and as a partner.

As a Single mum, you already have a lot on your plate and setting boundaries is a way to ensure that the people and relationships that you bring into yours and your children’s lives, add value to it.